Posterchild Players Proudly Present

Property Damage!!

An Internet Drama in Two Parts

Cast: Property Owner, Posterchild, God (OS).

Scene: Morning rises on Spadina, a street that runs through the very heart of the largest Chinatown that Toronto, Ontario, Canada can offer.

The morning sun casts light on the fruits of last nights labours.

Property Owner, surprised, upset:

“OH sssssssssssSHIT!”

“What are all those cracks? Is that a goddamn giant hole in the side of my building!?! What could cause so much property damage? Did a friggin’ Pterodactyl fly into the wall?”


“Wait, wait. It’s just painted on! It’s only paint! Phew!”

Posterchild, arty, pretentious:

EXACTLY.

IT’S ONLY PAINT.

See, people are always trying to convince you that painting on walls damages property.

This is my oh-so-clever riposte.

Legally, there is no argument- it’s not open to debate. Graffiti is typically considered “Property Damage”, like window smashing or satellite-dish frisbee.

But it’s just paint. Paint changes the colour of walls- It doesn’t hurt the wall. You can paint the flimsiest wall hundreds of times without it crumbling from the strain. Indeed, paint actually seals and protects walls.

BUT, the corrosive chemical baths and sandblasting techniques used to REMOVE graffiti do indeed damage walls.

Maybe it’s time we “teamed-up” and targeted the real threat here, GRAFFITI REMOVAL.

Property Owner consoled, resolved:

“I’ll never waste a single cent on graffiti removal again!”

END OF PART ONE

God, threatening, god-like:

Pretty sure nobody better write nothing on any of my buildings.

Posterchild, still pretentious, handsome:

Churches? Ok, sure, I’ll never paint on churches. I try and respect all buildings with outstanding architecture- or unusually high emotional investment- and most churches tend to have bot-

God, angry, smotey:

ALL THE BUILDINGS ARE MY BUILDINGS.

Laughter, applause.

THE END.